Baby Looking for Employment

¹Lately, mom and dad have been talking about needing money for some extra expenses. And they are always talking about this Unclutterer² blog, which is about a bunch of people with too much stuff. So I've been thinking about ways I can help. Here is my money making idea.

For one afternoon, I will come over to your house, and discover everything (within my reach, of course) that is either attractive, valuable, or breakable. I will give you a full, detailed report of what I find. You simply need to look on the floor to see my results. However, sometimes, I'll keep you guessing by opening up drawers and placing small objects inside of pots, or if I'm feeling really ambitious, I'll even open up the toilet lid and drop a nice valuable in there.

³I've got about 2 months of walking experience, during which time I've perfected my ability to find those especially fragile or expensive items, and retrieve them for my parents. If you give me the chance, I'll do a great job for you.

I only ask for two things as payment. First, I require a nap during my shift, on a queen-size or larger bed, and with access to Mommy's milk. Second, you can make out a check for thousands of dollars to my father, who handles all my accounting. And if you've got any raisins or natural fruit bars, I'm always happy to receive tips.

Thanks for your consideration. I look forward to destroying your living room soon.